Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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