This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
