U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
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