I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
