is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
