at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Also, beer. Big fan.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
