i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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