I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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