he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
