Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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