nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
