At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
