dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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