I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
