apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
