I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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