What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
