I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
