found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
