this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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