Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize