dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
honey bunches of taint.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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