Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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