if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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