i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
