If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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