why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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