I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Bring me that man meat
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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