i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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