I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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