so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
