i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
