the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
