the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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