"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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