Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
