i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
