11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
