if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
