if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
