So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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