Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
