Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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