i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
