I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
