actually, I'm a sock model
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
