then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Can i not drive my cunt home
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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