she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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