Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
