She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
please come you make the beer taste better
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
