Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
