I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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