I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
