he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
