Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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