I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
