You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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