Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I can't turn off my feet"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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