So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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