:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
