I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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