Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
