It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
