I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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