Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
