Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
