thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you inspire me to be a worse person
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize