Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize