Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize