I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
