I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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