what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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